I am sitting on the sidewalk drawing with chalk when I am approached by my nephew, Will.

Will: M, what is that?

M: It's a flag, Willie. It's the flag for Sweden.

Will: Oh.

M: You're part Swedish, Will.

Will: Yeah, but I'm funny.

Yes, you are Will.

Lucia has had an interest in stories about the people in her life for quite some time. It started when she would be not ready to go to sleep and I was too tired to read a story. I would scramble for stories from my memory that she would find funny. Her top three stories are the time Kari fell asleep behind a door, when raccoons got into our trash, and me peeing in my Grandpa Huntsman's car.

Yesterday she wanted me to tell the story of me peeing in the car to my good friend Charlotte. For those of you dying to know the details, here is the story. I must have been about four. My Grandpa Huntsman used to pick up me, Kari, and Britta for short visits. We usually ended up at a place with hamburgers and shakes. I don't know where we were going, but we were in the car and I had to go to the bathroom. He brushed it off as not an emergency. My Grandpa hated stopping for potty breaks. He liked to drive and not have stops. He dismissed my second request to stop for a bathroom break. When he failed again to stop I said, "Grandpa, I'm warning you." He didn't heed my warning. I ended up peeing on the car seat.

He found this story very funny. He even threatened to tell my husband someday. The story is still funny and a bit embarrassing for me. However, now it's also a little sad. He passed away almost four years ago. I won't get to see his face light up as he prepares to embarrass me. I know I'll have to tell it myself. In my mind I'll be picturing him in a Dickie's jumpsuit, cowboy boots, and a cabby cap laughing.

I have added a new feature to my blog entitled, "Excerpts from Lucia." I am not great at writing down the funny things she says in order to save them. Now I can add them here and back them up for present and future amusement.

I said goodbye today. I said goodbye and I cried. I cried and she rejoiced.

I gave notice to Lucia’s daycare today that I was dropping- I wouldn’t be bringing her there again. I started to cry a bit when I told Lucia. She was so excited, and I was so hurt over that one decision. I started crying a bit when I told the administrator and her teachers. I picked up her things from her cubbyhole and I cried a bit as I handed her teacher the empty bin. I got into my car and I knew I wasn’t done crying, but I needed to drive home.

So now I’m giving myself permission to cry and talk myself through why I feel this breakdown. I’m not an organized person when it comes to myself and especially not money. Money is emotional to me. I know I frustrate those around me with my poor choices. I have had enough experiences to scare some people, but not me. I’m just so stubborn. Along the way I have made some smart choices and I give myself credit for those. I find myself again in a position of setting financial goals and failing…miserably.

Certain things are mostly out of my control- such as not being able to get a new job. This frustrates me because it means I have to give up more of my stubbornness than I want to right now. I want to hold onto that stubborn/prideful/choice and prove everyone wrong who ever judged me and judged me as a failure.

Another thing out of my control is my goal to be able to live on my own and support Lucia and myself. I set a goal to be out of my parent’s house and be in an apartment. Then I set a goal to be in a house. The road to a house was a long journey and it’s longer from where I sit crying and wanting to beat myself up until I beat every stubborn, stupid part of my soul out forever.

I ask myself why Lucia is happy with this change. She wants to spend more time with me. Why does she want to be with me? I am not a very good mom. Why does she love me? Because she’s mine and I’m hers.

Instead of being the victim and the sob story and the family screw-up I am creating something better. I don’t have a job right now. Okay. Thankfully I have family. I can’t afford to send Lucia to a pre-school right now. Okay. I do have resources to learn how to teach her and prepare her for kindergarten. I’m not great at spending as much quality time with her as I am able. Okay. I put down the computer and we do something together.

This mish-mash of ideas and feelings and failures and successes is me. I’m not letting down anyone as much as I am myself. I am strong, creative, beautiful, loving, fun, and supportive. I will improve myself by creating the self I am proud to be.

The excitement surrounding our 44th, President Barack H. Obama, has remained strong for me. Perhaps the fever is more like that of celebrity. However, I find the fever intoxicating and full of hope. I even went as far as making my own Obamicon!

Here's a list of people on Twitter from Sara Frere Jones:

people who are just back from a really awesome run
people who are involved with "computers"
DJs
DJs at the airport
DJs who are drunk
people who don't seem to have anyone else's email address
people who are mad at the TV sets
people who have forgotten how to use email
people who have forgotten how to text
people who are involved in "social networking" and optimizing the power of re-Tweeting and "computers"
people who can't find a reasonable picture of themselves
people who really like the news
DJs at the airport
people who are hungry
rappers
people who are cold
people who are back from an OK run
people who can't figure out what their kids want to eat
Shaquille O'Neal
people who have never seen snow
Rachel Maddow
forty-five people I've never heard of who all invented the internet
people who are concerned about the collapse of the publishing industry
people who like Battlestar Galactica
rappers who are eating food
people who are about to go for a run
DJs who want to know where you are
people who are mad at Twitter
a nun

Cows With Names Make More Milk

"If you call a cow by name, it indicates that perhaps you talk to her more, perhaps you consider her more of an individual, perhaps you have more of a one-to-one relationship," said Douglas, who has seen firsthand the consequences of stress in a cow. "Personally, I have had a black eye and broken ribs from milking."

"We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can withstand the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics who will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.

But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people.

Yes we can."

President Barack Hussein Obama

Via SnorgTees.com

Last TBTL golden nugget for today...wait for it...TINY HOUSES! I can picture my sister Keeley, her husband Will, and their whippet Lola living in the Lusby model. Mind you they'd need a truck that *cough* wasn't cursed a.k.a. worked reliably.

I like the Z-Glass model. However, I would like to put two of them together to have at least two bedrooms. The Harbinger model has less square feet, but room for two beds. I'd most likely end up at Ikea designing the best possible storage arrangements. I would then upgrade to a walk-in tub with a shower curtain or one of these fancy showers.

I came across this lovely video while catching up on Too Beautiful To Live's blog. Once upon a time I was a theater geek. The bond lives on...somewhere deep inside...my mind.

I heard a reference to these lyrics on a podcast of Too Beautiful To Live when the producer, Jen Andrews, had written a rap to cheer up someone. I kept forgetting to look up the entire song until yesterday when I felt as though hope had buoyed me up if not to just keep my head up.

Anthem by Leonard Cohen

The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.

There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

As though I needed another reason to adore Eddie Izzard!

Izzard Gives Private Performance to Terror Victim

Via Jason Kottke

I have had spent quite a bit of time browsing the myriad of lovely things on Etsy. I even purchased several Christmas presents that all turned out to be received with great success. Here are a several things I adore:

Magnets

Harold and Maude finger-puppets

Bags

Prints

Jewelery, Jewelery, Jewelery!

NOT these items

"For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

~The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

1. Link the person(s) who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about five unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag five bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on their blogs to let them know they've been tagged.

I was tagged by myself after seeing this on Jessikuh's blog.

So, five quirks about me...

1. I can't stand to leave the house without wearing earrings. It really throws off my whole day.
2. I am a devoted Chevrolet fan (because growing up my dad said they were the best trucks) to the point that even if there was a Ford more affordable than a Chevy I might have a semi-nervous breakdown trying to decide which vehicle to purchase.
3. I have conversations with myself, out loud, where I get to say clever things that will impress others.
4. I still dream of meeting Paul McCartney.
5. I would only get a tattoo for my sisters.

I tag Kari, Britta, Sue, Colt and/or Maggie, and Charlotte!

Thanks to Skype my family in Utah was able to make a video call to my sister, brother-in-law, and niece in Pennsylvania. The video quality was very nice and with a great Internet connection it was almost like being in the same room. Thank you Skype for making this Christmas special!

My top five podcast choices, and why I listen:

How Much Do We Love
~Positive, random, humor, Sara Davis, and Rob Lindley

Too Beautiful To Live
~Luke Burbank




Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me
~Paula Poundstone, random news

This American Life
~Random stories that show the connections in life

Stuff You Missed In History Class
~Truth and history class have an intervention

The Plug is worth a visit if you enjoy a bit of humor. Here are two sections I enjoy:

Signs of Boredom: A Journal To Learn From

Stranger Photos Have Happened