This is my second time using iMovie and I have improved so very much. I took some more video of Lucia dancing. This time it was in a restaurant, with a small audience. This is my lovebug!\

Lucia has loved music from a very young age. She would bounce in time when she was old enough to sit up. A certain auntie taught her to shake her booty after she had just learned to walk. She will rock out in the car, but she loves dancing. Lately she's been dancing every day. Here is a short video of her and Will dancing today. Keep in mind I have no idea how to edit so this is not a quality video. I'll be working to learn to edit so I can have more video memories of Lucia's dancing.

I'd love to use this while driving...



Via CuriosityShoppeOnline.com

This weekend Lucia was doing homework. The pages she has currently have quite a bit of coloring and she gets bored after a bit. So, I offered to put on some music. Her choice? Jefferson Starship's We Built This City. If it works it's fine with me.

I've been behind on updating my blog with quotes from Lucia. Thankfully I type them into a note on my phone so I don't forget or lose them in a pile of miscellaneous papers which is my bedroom some days. I'm going to edit how I add them to my blog as well because I think about these things and stay up organizing in my head. Yes, it's exhausting to be me.

09/19/09 "Mom, the air is my soap."

09/09/09 "Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little mom is gonna be alright."

09/06/09 Lucia: "Will, did you know my mom is cute?"

Will: "Oh, but I'm cute."


09/04/09 "Will, vampires are nice to each other."

08/30/09 Me: "Lucia, you're clapping too loud."

Lucia: "I'm just clapping the words to the song."



08/29/09 "I don't actually sleep unless I'm asleep."

08/29/09 (Zen, the dog, is enthusiastically licking her arm.) "Do you like me as a popsicle?"

07/24/09 "Me and Will made a deal that I will protect him, even if I'm not there."



07/07/09 "Mom, did you know I'm a small, rude alien? I just hafta pretend I'm a kid.

This state in which I live, Utah, is breathtaking with it's diversity of landscapes. However, the diversity of people is overwhelmingly strangled by a powerful and loud group. I call this group the High and Mighty Utah Mormon Republicans.

Mind you I know that not all Mormons, not all Republicans, and not all Mormons who vote Republican are in this group. I'm referring to a sort of collective of the most closed-minded, over-bearing, and suffocating people who sway public and private laws as they choose and defend themselves with religion or the constitution. What strikes me as ironic is that the same methods of justification they use are the ones that say we all have choices and not even the high and mighty can deny choices.

I was frustrated to learn that our school district would not be giving the school children a chance to listen to President Obama's speech to them this week. I received a letter via Lucia's principal that is from the Superintendent explaining why they made this choice, apologizing as well as stating they would show it to the children, and giving parents a chance to refuse to have their children listen to the speech. Do we really need to have a parental consent form to not listen to the President of our country? Although I do agree there should be a choice I simply wonder what is the fear. Are people afraid the President of the United States of America will brainwash their children? Is there a precedence for fear of what the office of the President would say to children? I didn't always agree with former President Bush, but I certainly did not fear him or what he would have said to children.

I think it comes down to fear of change. Once we know there is going to be change it's as if some sort of defense mechanism is switched on in our mind. Yet, we rarely like the duldrum of a routine. Do we eat the same thing every day? Do we read only one book over and over? Do we wear the same clothes every day? I feel we thrive on change, sometimes more if we believe we are in control/making the choice. At least that's one theory.

To let you make your own choice I'm going to include some of the text from the letter. The paragraph previous summarized the President's message and the one following stated when the children would be able to watch the speech as well as an opportunity for parent's to choose to not have their children participate.

"Nebo District received official word on September 2, 2009, announcing President Obama's back-to-school message to school children. The information we received said, 'The decision to watch (or not to watch) the President's speech should be made by each district. There is no requirement from the Utah State Office of Education, the U.S. Department of Education, or from the President that any student watch.' Given limited information and the timing of the announcement of the President's speech, Nebo District decided that district students would not participate in watching this speech live at school.

In hindsight, we realize that this decision may not have been the best one possible and may have sent a message to students and patrons that we do not respect the office of the President. This was never our intent. We also realize that this decision denied students, who were interested, the opportunity to participate in this live historic event. We regret that our decision had this affect.; While we cannot turn back the clock, we desire to make this opportunity available to our students."

I do agree that the notification should have been given further in advance and more of the content should have been revealed. Thankfully there are always ways to learn from a decision, good or bad. I am glad the school district is giving the children a chance to hear the speech.

Please note that this post contains opinions and feelings held by me and may not be held by others for whatever reason.

I'm emotional. Not all the time, but it's often just under the surface until something pierces my defenses. I suppose I don't have the thickest of defenses. However, I'm okay with my defenses and my emotions because I can acknowledge feelings and then accept responsibility for my choices following.

Before I get more off tangent I'm going to go back to a Friday night. Kari, Will, Lucia, and I are driving from the Covey Arts Center in Provo to Noodles & Co. when I slip into a role of pointing out things to the kids in order to keep them in a good mood and perhaps teach them about their surroundings. The road curves and I see the familiar sign for The Mending Shed. "Lucia and Will look at the wood on that building. Do you know where that wood came from?" I stop. I can't say it because the tears are welling in my eyes and I'm the driver. Kari looks over at me and steps in to explain that the wood came from their Great Great Grandpa Huntsman's farm in Idaho.

When I visited my sisters Keeley and Alex in Kanab this March I started to cry for how happy I was to have this chance to hang out in the kitchen chatting and playing with the kids or the animals talking and talking and talking. I stay up late whenever they come to visit. I tell them every new story I have- and a few they've heard before. I cry when I hug them a little longer and a little tighter and tell them I love them.

For Mother's Day Lucia gave me a card where (with a little help) she had written, "I love you!" It was so sweet and of course tears welled up. However, I accept that I'm emotional and moved to tears at times. I just might stock up on tissues though.

Lucia: Will, do you want to be big and strong to drive big trucks? Then you have to eat this hash brown.

Will: I just want to drive a police car and take all those bad guys to jail.

6:00 a.m. is a magical time, for those who are awake. I decided to stay up all night. I have been in a poor sleeping pattern and decided to break it in an unusual way. It also helped to be caught up in a TV series on Hulu.

Now to keep myself awake I decided to do some laundry, put away some toys, and generally stay busy quietly lest I wake Lucia. The most wonderful part...no pants. I know, I know, but you should try it once. My sister Alex told me when no one was home she loved to walk around the house with no pants- she still wore a shirt and underwear, just no pants. I've done it a few times out of laziness like when the pants I want to wear are in the dryer and I don't want to put on pants only to take them off in less than twenty seconds.

Nothing amazing happened. It was simply silly, fun, and liberating. I do wear pants to breakfast though so now it's time to don those magical trousers.

I want a nap.

I was awakened at night. I was awakened by hope, hope that I could smell and taste. Yet as I rushed through the night I found I was betrayed. I returned defeated having found the hope was lying in ruins after being consumed by another. Farewell beloved corn bread pudding leftovers, until you return again, farewell.

Alton Brown's Sweet Corn Bread Pudding (of dreams)

Childhood myths are one of those things that sometimes follow you even into adulthood. Sometimes they are things you misunderstood or perhaps simple teasing that you fall for and never quite shake. The ones that stayed with me the longest are as follows.

Sizzler - I remember at least once driving past a Sizzler and asking my mom if we could go there to eat. She told me it was too expensive. So, I spent many years believing only rich people ate at Sizzler.

Oatmeal - I heard someone once say that oatmeal sticks to your ribs. I believed that when I swallowed oatmeal it lined the inside of my ribs. Obviously the mechanics of that improbability did not occur to me at the time.

I'm sure I'm creating new ones for my daughter.

I was in my parent's kitchen tonight holding my precious niece, Sophie, as she molded her tiny body in complete comfort and trustful slumber and I could no longer hold in my tears. This past week has been so full of love. No monumental events occurred that might find themselves told on a movie screen. Something more amazing than any camera could capture- life!

I will cry more in the next twelve hours but it is not all tears of sorrow. I am so blessed, so grateful, so loved. On this day for mothers I acknowledge the strength of the women in my heart.

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

If there were a record player for my heart it would be this song. I know I will cry. However, I know I will not cry alone because my mom, my sisters, and our daughters will be the strength we are to each other.



Photo by Wade Haskell

I've already told my mom I want an adjustable crescent wrench and a socket set for my birthday. If my sisters want to get me something fun I have a suggestion:

Harold and Maude print via Etsy

I am sitting on the sidewalk drawing with chalk when I am approached by my nephew, Will.

Will: M, what is that?

M: It's a flag, Willie. It's the flag for Sweden.

Will: Oh.

M: You're part Swedish, Will.

Will: Yeah, but I'm funny.

Yes, you are Will.

Lucia has had an interest in stories about the people in her life for quite some time. It started when she would be not ready to go to sleep and I was too tired to read a story. I would scramble for stories from my memory that she would find funny. Her top three stories are the time Kari fell asleep behind a door, when raccoons got into our trash, and me peeing in my Grandpa Huntsman's car.

Yesterday she wanted me to tell the story of me peeing in the car to my good friend Charlotte. For those of you dying to know the details, here is the story. I must have been about four. My Grandpa Huntsman used to pick up me, Kari, and Britta for short visits. We usually ended up at a place with hamburgers and shakes. I don't know where we were going, but we were in the car and I had to go to the bathroom. He brushed it off as not an emergency. My Grandpa hated stopping for potty breaks. He liked to drive and not have stops. He dismissed my second request to stop for a bathroom break. When he failed again to stop I said, "Grandpa, I'm warning you." He didn't heed my warning. I ended up peeing on the car seat.

He found this story very funny. He even threatened to tell my husband someday. The story is still funny and a bit embarrassing for me. However, now it's also a little sad. He passed away almost four years ago. I won't get to see his face light up as he prepares to embarrass me. I know I'll have to tell it myself. In my mind I'll be picturing him in a Dickie's jumpsuit, cowboy boots, and a cabby cap laughing.

I have added a new feature to my blog entitled, "Excerpts from Lucia." I am not great at writing down the funny things she says in order to save them. Now I can add them here and back them up for present and future amusement.

I said goodbye today. I said goodbye and I cried. I cried and she rejoiced.

I gave notice to Lucia’s daycare today that I was dropping- I wouldn’t be bringing her there again. I started to cry a bit when I told Lucia. She was so excited, and I was so hurt over that one decision. I started crying a bit when I told the administrator and her teachers. I picked up her things from her cubbyhole and I cried a bit as I handed her teacher the empty bin. I got into my car and I knew I wasn’t done crying, but I needed to drive home.

So now I’m giving myself permission to cry and talk myself through why I feel this breakdown. I’m not an organized person when it comes to myself and especially not money. Money is emotional to me. I know I frustrate those around me with my poor choices. I have had enough experiences to scare some people, but not me. I’m just so stubborn. Along the way I have made some smart choices and I give myself credit for those. I find myself again in a position of setting financial goals and failing…miserably.

Certain things are mostly out of my control- such as not being able to get a new job. This frustrates me because it means I have to give up more of my stubbornness than I want to right now. I want to hold onto that stubborn/prideful/choice and prove everyone wrong who ever judged me and judged me as a failure.

Another thing out of my control is my goal to be able to live on my own and support Lucia and myself. I set a goal to be out of my parent’s house and be in an apartment. Then I set a goal to be in a house. The road to a house was a long journey and it’s longer from where I sit crying and wanting to beat myself up until I beat every stubborn, stupid part of my soul out forever.

I ask myself why Lucia is happy with this change. She wants to spend more time with me. Why does she want to be with me? I am not a very good mom. Why does she love me? Because she’s mine and I’m hers.

Instead of being the victim and the sob story and the family screw-up I am creating something better. I don’t have a job right now. Okay. Thankfully I have family. I can’t afford to send Lucia to a pre-school right now. Okay. I do have resources to learn how to teach her and prepare her for kindergarten. I’m not great at spending as much quality time with her as I am able. Okay. I put down the computer and we do something together.

This mish-mash of ideas and feelings and failures and successes is me. I’m not letting down anyone as much as I am myself. I am strong, creative, beautiful, loving, fun, and supportive. I will improve myself by creating the self I am proud to be.

The excitement surrounding our 44th, President Barack H. Obama, has remained strong for me. Perhaps the fever is more like that of celebrity. However, I find the fever intoxicating and full of hope. I even went as far as making my own Obamicon!

Here's a list of people on Twitter from Sara Frere Jones:

people who are just back from a really awesome run
people who are involved with "computers"
DJs
DJs at the airport
DJs who are drunk
people who don't seem to have anyone else's email address
people who are mad at the TV sets
people who have forgotten how to use email
people who have forgotten how to text
people who are involved in "social networking" and optimizing the power of re-Tweeting and "computers"
people who can't find a reasonable picture of themselves
people who really like the news
DJs at the airport
people who are hungry
rappers
people who are cold
people who are back from an OK run
people who can't figure out what their kids want to eat
Shaquille O'Neal
people who have never seen snow
Rachel Maddow
forty-five people I've never heard of who all invented the internet
people who are concerned about the collapse of the publishing industry
people who like Battlestar Galactica
rappers who are eating food
people who are about to go for a run
DJs who want to know where you are
people who are mad at Twitter
a nun

Cows With Names Make More Milk

"If you call a cow by name, it indicates that perhaps you talk to her more, perhaps you consider her more of an individual, perhaps you have more of a one-to-one relationship," said Douglas, who has seen firsthand the consequences of stress in a cow. "Personally, I have had a black eye and broken ribs from milking."

"We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can withstand the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics who will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.

But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people.

Yes we can."

President Barack Hussein Obama

Via SnorgTees.com

Last TBTL golden nugget for today...wait for it...TINY HOUSES! I can picture my sister Keeley, her husband Will, and their whippet Lola living in the Lusby model. Mind you they'd need a truck that *cough* wasn't cursed a.k.a. worked reliably.

I like the Z-Glass model. However, I would like to put two of them together to have at least two bedrooms. The Harbinger model has less square feet, but room for two beds. I'd most likely end up at Ikea designing the best possible storage arrangements. I would then upgrade to a walk-in tub with a shower curtain or one of these fancy showers.

I came across this lovely video while catching up on Too Beautiful To Live's blog. Once upon a time I was a theater geek. The bond lives on...somewhere deep inside...my mind.

I heard a reference to these lyrics on a podcast of Too Beautiful To Live when the producer, Jen Andrews, had written a rap to cheer up someone. I kept forgetting to look up the entire song until yesterday when I felt as though hope had buoyed me up if not to just keep my head up.

Anthem by Leonard Cohen

The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.

There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

As though I needed another reason to adore Eddie Izzard!

Izzard Gives Private Performance to Terror Victim

Via Jason Kottke

I have had spent quite a bit of time browsing the myriad of lovely things on Etsy. I even purchased several Christmas presents that all turned out to be received with great success. Here are a several things I adore:

Magnets

Harold and Maude finger-puppets

Bags

Prints

Jewelery, Jewelery, Jewelery!

NOT these items

"For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

~The Curious Case of Benjamin Button