I snuggled up next to you as you slept

And laid kisses upon your cheek

I backed away to smell your sweet breath

As I watched I saw them all as shadows on your face

The eyes like those of Alexandra

The arch of your nose like Keeley

The line of your jaw like Britta

The glow of your skin like Kari

The dimple in your cheek like Louise

And in your ear the songs of Ruth

-Maiken Huntsman 08/05

I talked and cried into the silence

They turned in pain and closed their ears

She screams into the silence

I feel sadness and guilt for not joining

Why will she fight him

How does she have the same pain

He loves her more

He hurt her, too

I used to stand up to his terror

Now I let go and ignore the wounds

I see the infection, scabs, scars

Wasn’t I brave to live this tragedy

Reality says four survived

Yet two more remain trapped

Logic wants to know why

Why did she choose this man

History will tell our tale

But will our love be crippled

Wisdom says time will heal

Even if it takes death to break the cycle

-Maiken Huntsman 11/05

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) ee cummings

Every day during the week I have several sites I visit as part of my morning routine. Every time I pull up this site:

http://textism.com/oliver/daily/

I feel like he's my pseudo dog. You know the dog who everyone loves, but I don't have to feed or squeeze his anal glands. Someday I want a dog, but I know it will be like having another child and part of me thinks I struggle enough with a human child.

For anyone reading this blog I thought I would write an update regarding Lucia's leg. A nurse called me several days after taking Lucia to the InstaCare facility and having her leg x-rayed. The nurse said a radiologist has looked at the x-ray and did not feel there was even a buckle break to Lucia's leg. I was at a loss. How could she be in so much pain and nothing be broken?

My gut feeling was that there really was something wrong with Lucia's leg. She wasn't putting much weight on it and had reverted to crawling to get around. So, when my gut feeling was counter to the logic of modern medicine I called my mother. She agreed that Lucia wouldn't be faking for this long. She suggested I take Lucia to a chiropractor. Mind you I have known people who had great experiences with chiropractic work; however, I thought it couldn't be that easy.

I decided to wait it out. I did massage Lucia's leg because I wondered if she could have injured her muscles or tendons. I also decided not to push her to walk. Meanwhile I took a stroller to day care for her teacher's to use.

Lucia was starting to get better and then regressed. I couldn't get her in to her pediatrician quickly because they reserve immediate openings for people with sicknesses. Why was this not as important as an ear infection?

I still did not trust that the chiropractor was the solution, but I got an appointment right away. I would only be out some time off work and a co-pay. At this point it was almost three weeks from the incident, and I was eager to have my child not be in pain.

The chiropractor popped her ankle and her hip...and viola! It was so simple! Yet I refused to believe something so simple would solve the problem.

Have I been forever changed? Maybe not. I do believe I learned something important about parenting, and about myself.

On Friday Lucia (my 22 1/2 mo. old daughter) hurt her leg on a slide. She got it slightly smashed and twisted. Nothing seemed serious until she continued to refuse to walk. So, Sunday I took her into InstaCare and after looking at her x-rays they determined it to be buckle break.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/aches/broken_bones.html

"Children's bones are more likely to bend than break completely because they're softer. Fracture types that are more common in children include:

• buckle or torus fracture: one side of the bone bends, raising a little buckle, without breaking the other side"

So, I have an almost two year old crawling around or needing to be carried. I have realized that my life would be totally different if I had a child who couldn't walk permanently. I won't say that my life would be worse, because I believe the spirit of Lucia is something I needed in my life and would not have been as happy without. I am grateful for all of her and I will do better to not compare her to other kids in how she devolps because she is happy regardless of the fact that she isn't speaking in complete sentances at this age, yes? I think so!